If there’s one subject which is bound to get men feeling insecure, it’s the size of their penis. Yet, for all our typical macho bravado, all it takes is for someone to insinuate that you’re hung like a baby carrot and a pair of garden peas, and suddenly fists are flying and insults are being hurled right back. Since time immemorial, blokes all over the world, in almost every culture, have habitually bragged about the size of their schlong as well as their stamina and ability in the bedroom.
Austrian doctor Sigmund Freud, the latter-day father of modern psychiatry, even observed that the penis was a universal male obsession, and that the phallic symbol could be found everywhere. Even our compulsion to build towers and skyscrapers; and other stiff, erect edifices, or draw gonads in school jotters, is a symptom of our overriding preoccupation with the male member.
Yup; if you want to hit a guy where it hurts, then aim for the groin and tell him that his winkle is tiny. But here’s the good news for those guys who feel that they aren’t as well-endowed as they think the ought to be, and bad news for those guys who think they’re equipped with the same package as a pornstar: scientific research seems to suggest that men’s penises are actually getting bigger on average! Finally, some good news it seems. But is it really?
Way back in 2016, condom manufacturer Skyn conducted an experiment in collaboration with researchers from King’s College London, in which they measured the penis length and girth of 15,521 men. The average size of male penises turned out to be approximately 5.1 inches. To be honest, I reckon that if they measured any more rigorously, it would just smack of desperation.
This year, however, Skyn decided to forgo working with any of the eggheads, and just decided to ask men about the size of their trouser snakes personally. Tellingly, the surveyed gentlemen gave answers that were far in excess of those provided by the 2016 participants. Of the 3,037 sexually active men who deigned to reply, the average penis size turned out to be around six inches, a full inch more than the figure they came up with last time.
However, I’ve got to say that personally, I’m pretty skeptical about these findings, for a few reasons. First of all, these findings have come courtesy of a corporation that makes and sells contraceptives. These people want us to have sex, and plenty of it, so we can buy their products without fear of having kids. It’s in their best interest to make feel more encouraged about the size of their peens, because insecure people probably aren’t as likely to have their end away.
Not only that, but what’s to say that the company just doesn’t want to make condoms smaller than five inches, and is simply using their new poll to justify their findings? Furthermore, I’m a little suspicious of their methods. I don’t want to sound like some kind of gender traitor here, but I know for a fact that if you ask men about how large their wife’s best friend is, they’re almost certainly likely to exaggerate, hyperbolize and outright lie to make themselves look good. I know I would anyway. So maybe we should get too excited about this research just yet. After all folks: size isn’t important, it’s what you do with it that matters.